Two Flat Tires

A fair judgment was promised
And it was not delivered
She worked hard and did her best
And she trumped the others

Yet, she was not given her chance
The chance that for long she wanted and needed
Only because I’m here
I can only imagine – what if I wasn’t?

Now I have to deal with bits and pieces of her
As she cries to sleep almost every night
Goes out on weekends and goes home the morning after
And drinks until she pukes the sadness and depression away

And it all boils down
Not on the fact that she was not accepted nor she was not qualified,
Hell yes she is! and you don’t have to love her to know that
It’s all because a deal was not fulfilled

Now tell me, don’t I have the right to be upset?
Don’t I have the right to be furious?
One thing’s for sure
This will be over soon

"Good morning class! My name is JD. I am a peer trainer."

Yes, a peer trainer. Or maybe in your planet it's associate trainer or something to that extent.

But don't think I only do half the job of a trainer. In fact, I function like a real deal trainer. I do everything in the job description and even strive to go above and beyond them.

No Darwin, I'm not complaining. Read the next paragraph.

It's a great job because I really love what I'm doing. And for that reason alone I choose to stay with the team even if I'm under-titled and under-paid (let's get real, I'm doing lead's work but only get agent's pay).

Today, two very good friends of mine in the training department just got promoted to a full-fledged trainer. No, I'm not about to let you read a recipe for stir-fried sarcasm and bitterness. I am sincerely happy for them.

And you know what? I should also be happy for myself, because I am somehow assured that I'll go there really soon.

But, just for today, can I be a little envious and upset?

Envious, because I want a piece of the cake they just had. But it's not the "I-want-to-have-that-promotion-instead-of-them" kind of envy; it's the "I-want-to-be-promoted-WITH-them" kind.

Upset, not because I did not get what I want, but because it's my fault I did not get it.

Yes, it's my fault. I would have reached that goal last year if I only chose to become more responsible.

I put this upon myself.

I'm fat.

Contrary to what friends and relatives in Manila see, I weigh heavier now compared to how i did before moving to Cebu. Who wouldn't gain weight in this place? Affordable buffets everywhere, dirt cheap carinderia food, very accessible hanging rice, and lechon to die for. Yes, I eat a lot here.

But for the record, I'm not complaining. I really eat a lot even back when I lived in Manila. I'm a foodie, and I'm proud of it. I love investing on my belly. But being a foodie usually entails having to hide a belly under a medium sized shirt.

Unless you were gifted with the metabolism (or anorexia) of a supermodel, you are sure to grow love handles if you share my passion for food. And in our world where the huggable are less hugged and the skinny seem to get more repect, you have to do something about them love handles. Thus, we try to live a healthier lifestyle.

Only problem is, the so-called 'healthy lifestyle' has its price, and it ain't cheap - Gym membership, personal trainer, organic fruit shake, whole wheat this, sugarfree that.

I was just wondering, and I throw the question to you, reader:

Don't you find it weird that trying to be smaller seems to be more costly than getting bigger?

To quote Staind, it's been a while...

It's been a while since I ranted here. If you check out the date of the last one, it was more than half a year ago.

I could say that I've undergone a major writer's block. It would sound really cool. But that was not the case. I had ideas that I wanted to post. I was just too stumped on more important things.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I realize that I haven't been visible around the web for a long time. I haven't updated my blog, signed in to Facebook and Friendster (as if people still use Friendster...), seen a video in YouTube, nor chatted in YM for a while.

Is that a bad thing?

Nowadays, friendly introductions would sound like this:

"Hi, I'm (insert name here)' do you have a Twitter acount?"

Twitter is a variable, of course. You may replace it with your favorite social networking site.

Some people would actually hate you for being offline, making it seem like not updating your Facebook status is a mortal sin. But think about this: people did not have these sites in the older days. Yet, they were capable of building many great friendships and relationships (oftentimes even greater than what we can presently establish).

The reality is, you do not need to sign up to a social networking site to have a social network.

Friends are better built offline. I'm not saying that you cannot find a good relationship online. I'm just saying that it's better to do stuff off the net.Wouldn't you find it more interesting to join an actual tree-planting activity with friends rather than do it in Farmville? And wouldn't it be more impressive for that guy to ask you out on a real date than just give you a Superpoke? Maybe then you can hit each other with real pillows and have a really great time together.

If you have the resource, why not meetup with that friend and have an actual chat over some alcohol or caffeine (or both!)? Yes, you can have really good conversations on a chat box but it's always better to have it face to face.

And why send your thoughts via optic fibers? I'm sure you would agree that a love letter in paper, signed, sealed, and delivered wins over the most poetic email hands down.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not against innovation. I'm a big fan, to say the least. It makes communication so much accessible even if you are time zones away from your favorite aunt in Brussels. What I'm just saying is that we should not make it as the basis of the relationships we already have and those we are about to establish.

We have to think of them as appetizers and not main dishes. It's great to have them for the purpose of making the friendship less monotonous. But it's not all there is to friendship, or any relationship for that matter. The main course would always be what lies in the middle.

in less than three days, bj and i will be flying to manila for a vacation. we planned the trip a long time ago and we have a lot of things in mind that we want to do, eat, and achieve.

given that, we have been trying to save up by avoiding too much expenses for the past weeks. yes, it's an ordeal especially for me, being impulsive in opening my wallet for emergency movie dates, buffets, and pizza.

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i was on my way to pick up bj from the office yesterday afternoon. the plan was to drop off my dirty clothes at the laundry shop, then head to the office. i showered, dressed up (our vice president was here last night), packed the smelly clothes and went off.

i only realized, after probably a hundred steps from home, that i haven’t brushed my teeth. but i was too lazy to go back. i had a toothbrush and a toothpaste in my bag anyway.

just as i have dropped the clothes off, i got a text message from bj saying that she’s in ayala. realizing that i will be unable to go to the office to brush my teeth, i passed by a store to get some mints.

i tried to pick the seemingly cheapest among the bunch without even checking the actual prices. it’s candy, so how expensive can it be? i went on queue at the cashier.

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the line was long. i waited for a good amount of time. when it was my turn, the lady ran the mints through the scanner “89 pesos, sir”. split second debate:

it is expensive. we have an upcoming trip. the price can buy me a good dinner!

i did not just wait in line to back out. a lot of people are looking. what, can’t i shell out 89 bucks?

pride got the most of me.

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i hailed a jeep bound for ayala to meet bj there. the moment i got comfy in my seat, i popped one of the mints in my mouth.

mmmm…. so cool in the mouth… so refreshing… beats actual brushing!

is it really that good or am i trying to justify my 89 bucks?

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when I got to ayala, i realized that my hair was not fixed yet, so i went to the comfort room. after setting my soft spikes, i washed my hands at the sink. cool running water.

i could have brushed my teeth there.